09/11/2026
So this is my first 9/11 in NYC but that's kind of meaningless all things concidered. I don't rememer if I've written about time on here yet but it really has been moving slow. It feels like it's been months since I've written on here but it's only been 2-3 weeks?? Anyways. Life has kicking my ass but not hard enough. Honestly, as hard as things have been for me I prefer this over doing nothing at all and being comfortable in my bed 24/7. Did I write about that before? I was kind of a NEET and I really yearned to live. Well this is me living and I couldn't be happier. That's a lie but I'm still very grateful to be here.
I want to tell people about my website. People IRL. I hesitate because I want to upload more art and photos and such (it feels too empty to show off iykwim) and also I feel shy about someone reading my blog. As if I didn't write everything out with the intention of uploading it publically.
For the most part I'm just broke and alone. Not totally broke not totally alone but still enough to tire me. I have two part time jobs now. So yeah, exhausted, broke, alone, but still grateful. This is still what I asked for. I wanted to know what life actually felt like and I'm learning. Now it's time to learn how to make some damn friendsQ!
I am planning some art projects but unfortunately I don't have much materials or space or time hah. I have crayola crayons and paper lmao. And I want to get back into patchwork. I think I could make decent money on the side selling patchwork pieces but once again, very little time, no materials. Well scrap fabric isn't expensive but still. I am planning to eventually hit up some thrift store bins and get a lightweight sewing machine but at the moment I'm focusing on paying off my credit debt. I'm surprisingly in a managable amount of debt so I'll be fine unless I do something comepletely fucking stupid or lose my job(s). I want to write more but I'm tired.
08/24/2026
I was thinking about what I wanna write here as if someone is going back to the beginning and reading each post in chronolgical order and then I wonder if I mentioned certain things that happened because the reader needs the relevant context! And I don't like re-reading recent writing (I know, it's just a me thing. It feels awkward idk) but whatever.
So I visited Georgia for a week and the second I left the airport I was missing New York. I really missed the dog and my messy room and that was it. I only really came back to get some of my clothes (and do another round of bleach on my hair) and it felt like the week was gone instantly. That's just kind of how time works cus I was mostly just sitting around. For me though (I have no idea if this is a univerasal thing or if others would relate) where ever I am that is my entire world and everything I previously experienced didn't happen. It felt like I never left but while while in NY it feels like I'd been there an enternity. I just got back yesterday I basically never left it feels like.
I'm taking things more serious now. My new job is starting Wednesday and I'm looking for sublets now. Also I'm going to go to social events this week to make some friends. I want to take my art serious as well. All I've drawn so far is just a sketch self portrait but I'm gonna go get some art supplies (Crayola crayons and color pencils LMAO) and make the art I've been imagining in my head. Also some old magazines. I love magazine art I used to make it all the time and I wanna get back into it but it is messy and I don't have space so idk. Maybe I just need a mat or a bin or something we'll see. I do also want to start writing personal essays/articles but I feel shy! I actually wrote a few while at the airport but I am not used to this type of writing at all, I feel like my grammar is bad and I didn't hit the points I wanted to and whatever else. I want to write about life and culture and whatevers on my mind by the way. A bunch of loud European tourists just came into the lounge I'm in so I'm gonna leave now lol.
08/12/2026 - I LOVE LIFE
It has officailly been one week since I 'moved' to New York City and I put 'moved' in quotations because no I don't have a place yet BUT I already have a friggin job. As of the 25th of August at least. I had my interview today and it went well I got hired on the spot. So basically I kind won, yeah? Don't ask me what the job is this is just a temporary thing it's entry level minimum wage but like I'll have food and shelter lol. Honestly the only reason I found a job so quick is because I'm willing to do the work no one else wants so do. Anways
This past week has felt strangely normal. I thought I'd be more emotional than this but I'm just walking around Brooklyn and Manhattan everyday and it really feels like I've been here my whole life. Does that sound corny? This is my life now though and it feels fucking amazing and freeing I really can do whatever I want.
I think NYC is one of the few places in America that I'd belong in. I don't know if I wrote about it earlier but I walked around Atlanta while waiting for the Amtrak. Fuck Atlanta. Being a pedestrian in Atlanta is so isolating, the only people not in their cars are homeless people and people selling drugs. Someone did try to sell me drugs and I was literally sitting outside a church? It's a pretty city but something about it feels like a waste. 
The actual trip there was meh. It was kind of relaxing kind of grounding but mostly boring. I somehow was able to get my ticket for fucking cheap which was the only reason I did it. Like, I think there might of been a mistake or something but who cares! Usually ATL to NYC is 250-400 but mine was 150. I have to go back to Georgia to get some things I 100% am getting a plane ride. I hate flying.
Did I mention I got a new camera just for this trip? An Easyshare Kodak digi-camera from Ebay for 30$ so worth it. I also took photos on my smart phone and videos on my Sony Handycam.
I've been trying foods here and there but honestly I haven't been eating much other than pastries and burgers which isn't great. I've been trying different coffee places and so far my favorite is SEY Coffee in Bushwick. 
That was actually the first coffee I had since I got here. Second place is Swallow Cafe also in Bushwick. I'm also staying in Bushwick atm. I'm not sure what neighborhood I want to live in yet but Bushwick is a contender.
Honestly I was hoping I would have some kind of emotional release the second I got here. It really hasn't felt real, I haven't felt the true weight of the fact that my entire life has just changed in such an extreame way. At least until 3 nights ago. SO. I saw MCR August 9th. Where do I even start. They were my favorite band. I don't think theres a single band that affected my life as deeply as MCR- they're the reason I got into emo and the reason I started playing guitar and writing music. I got into them in 2020 and I wanted nothing more than to see them live but of course my parents thought they were demon worship or something. Eventually I couldn't stand the meer mention of MCR because all I could think of was how my parents crush my intrests and dreams time and time again (it wasn't just with MCR it was with so so many things don't get me started).
I knew MCR was going to perform in NYC August 9th and I also knew I wanted to be in NYC so this set a deadline in my head: "I have to be in NYC in time for the show." And I made it. The second I saw them I started sobbing and all I could think was "I did it. They can never ruin a single thing for me ever again, they can't touch me anymore." All of my photos came out super shaky because I was literally trembling the entire time - I spent a lot of money on that ticket and that's all I'll say on that IDGAF. 
I took some iphone photos which came out way clearer I'll post them in my photo gallery once I have that page set up. Also unfortunately I did not bring my camcorder to the show I was worried it wouldn't be allowed into the venue. This was my first concert by the way. I lost my concert virginity to MCR, my highschool sweetheart.
08/05/2026 - Pilot
It is currently 8:31 a.m. and I just woke up on an Amtrak on the way to New York. With barely any money. So this is a turning point for me.
I'm blanking on what to say right now as if there's people watching who I don't want to let down - people who I need to justify my actions to - but it's all me. It's been a while sinse I've used my freewill in a life changing way and the reality hasn't set in yet.
But yeah I 'couldn't take it anymore' or something like that. I couldn't take having to deal with my parents, I couldn't take being so bored and lonely everyday, I couldn't take living in suburbia and having to drive for 30 minutes just for a goodwill or a deserted mall.
I've been dealing with a lack of motivation to do anything at all other than day dream so now the day dreaming ends and the living begins. I don't have much to lose and if (GOD FORBID) things don't work out I will go back home and say I went on "vacation." That's what my sister thinks I'm doing. Maybe I'm sharing too much information but I didn't tell anyone I left except my sister and she think's I'm planning to come back in 7-9 days. I'm craving burgers. I'm so fucking excited to eat burgers and pizza and tacos and curry but I will have to mostly eat beans and rice for a while to start so.
Honestly the only reason I'm doing this in this way is because I really hate my parents. They were never there for me but pretended to be and so I hate them. And now I don't have to deal with the paranoia of them going through my things while I'm not there... That place is also just not for someone like me. It's too easy to isolate yourself in the subrubs, it's the default there. I walked around Atlanta for a few hours while waiting for the train (I arrived way too early on accident) and even the city feels isolating. I'm very different from most people and I feel even more different in these types of places. I know NY has more people who are 'different.'
I'm thinking I should just walk up to people and ask to sit with them. Or just ask if they want to be friends. I still can't believe I'm doing the thing I've been fantasizing about for years. I still feel like I'm laying in my room visualizing my desired reality. I'm worried nothing will feel real for a while but I guess I'll have to wait and see.
Fortunately I am so fucking delusional and I believe my Guardian Angels are going to pull me through and everything will work out better than I could've imagined. I actually do have a plan just for the record. I've never done something so drastic before in my life.
06/28/2026
Damn it's already been a month. Recently I've been hit with the urge to write down literally everything. I literally went out today and regretted not bringing a pen and paper! I ate eggs yesterday for lunch (Seafood omelette it was so damn good) and thought, 'I should right that down'- something so mundane. I just listened to [Untitled] by mewithoutYou for the first time and that might be my new favorite albumn and I just NEED to write about it! I've never written about a piece of art before I don't even know what I'd say it's crazy. I got a new notebook a month ago and havent touched it yet because I need "something big" to happen first- some kind of revolutionary life experience. Maybe I just need a shift in my drive to create because admittedly I've been in a slump this past month but I feel myself starting to come out of it. I wanted to save that notebook for when I enter a next chaper of my life but I'm the one who has to start that chapter. I just wanna say "fuck it" and leave this place behind so badly.
05/31/2026
So once every blue moon I 'start a new project' I 'put myself out there' or something like that. In about 5 days it would've been one year since I updated this site and hey look it's the blue moon tonight.
Yes, things have changed in the past year but not enough to make me happy with where my life is. Either way, I've developed new habits am probably the healthiest now than I ever have been in my entire life. 8hrs of sleep a night, 30-50 goddamn grams of fiber a day (TMI but I be shittin. 5 times a day bro.) I've lost like 30 pounds ALSO cleared my acne. Showering more frequently, taking care of myself. Honestly these habits have made self-love incredibly easy but maybe correlation does not equal causation.
Also by the way I quit my job last week. Hate to say that I am in bliss right now (hate to say it because of the fact that I need a job to live but y'know). I havent painted in months because of the exhaustion from my job and I just made like 3 paintings this week. I was working at FedEx in case you were wondering. That job made me contimplate suicide (not seriously don't worry) would not recomend. I lasted way longer than most because I had my eye on the prize; moving out of my parents house. Specifically to NYC. (I do romantisize that city a bit much I will be honest but... Well if I get started I won't stop I need to get the hell out of this place. The main reason not enough has changed in my life is becuase I live in such a boring place with a family I hate! But whatever!) That is my big mission atm. It's the most important thing in the world to me right now and unfortunatly I only have 3k saved. I am looking for a new job but maybe I should try selling on depop some people make big money doing that. I wish I could do art for a living.
Anyways. I am going to update this blog as if I have hundreds of fans who check it every week because I'm a narcissist or something. But also imagining someone being eager to see more from you is a really good motivator. Right now I'm still trying to figure out color palletes, background images and graphics but I wanted to go ahead and write my first post because, y'know, the blue moon. I did delete my previous posts because it was like reading old (intamate and personal) diary entries except it was posted on the hallway bulletin board for everyone to see so yeah. Will most likely withhold the embarrassing details going forward.
I'm really not just updating my site, this night is like my personal New Years Eve. I'm starting a new planner, reading log, and daily goals (as in, working on my procrastination problem). I struggle to commit to these things but yeah... Starting over. Again. Wish me luck.
